This moment had been on my mind all week and I still could not quite shake the sense of unease it brought. It was a small moment, but one that did not make sense to me. I was in conversation with a group of people in my current city. I sound different from a lot of people here, so it is not unusual for people to ask where I am from or whether I can say a few words in a different language. I really don’t mind. I made peace with the fact I was different a while back and now I enjoy the opportunity to just have conversations with many different people.
That day however, I was having a hard time and did not immediately recognize that. My mind would just not come up with any words that could be said together in a coherent manner, to show case my other fluent language. The moment passed and the person making the request scarcely noticed that I had not really answered. But the moment remained with me. Why was it so hard this time around?
Thank you for moments like this when I feel different and miss home.
I miss home. The physical location where I grew up, the motherland, is a beautiful place to be. However, more than ta physical location, I miss the feeling of home. The sense that I belong and I am understood. It’s a feeling that went away (in part) when I moved across the oceans. Now whether I am in my current city or the motherland I have been sufficiently changed by my experiences that I don’t fit into either place completely. Most of the time I am fine. Sometimes though, I find myself unable to put two words together in a language that is as natural to me as breathing, and I know there is a space in my heart that will always exist unfilled.
Lord thank you for these empty spaces. You have chosen my times and my places and as such you have designed these empty spaces. Help me look to you to fill them.
With these reflections recorded in my journal. I lean in and embrace this part of my life journey a little more. One thing I know for sure, walking with God everywhere He leads will always be my greatest adventure. No matter where I am, my heart will always find a home in his presence.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. And I shall dwell in the house of the lord forever. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. My cup overflows. (Psalm 23:5,6, 16:6)