My movements are anxious and I know it. I am trying not to let the restlessness completely take over but it’s a struggle. I whisper prayers unable to stay on a thought long enough to make the prayers longer than a few sentences. I push through it working on things that keep my hands busy after sending a message to a friend asking for her to say a prayer too. I keep at it and the peace starts to seep in slow. My friend is praying and I am thankful. My mind turns to the gifts I can observe. A clean apartment, clean clothing, cooked food, a few moments to take care of a pile of clutter. These gifts are not always there and I fret over the moments when bigger things keep me from these basics. There are still bigger tasks looming but in this moment, I see the simple gift of order and cleanliness amidst the myriad of tasks.
My mind roams thoughtful. We are what we do consistently. I claim thankfulness but am I consistently thankful? Do I see the gifts amidst the demanding? Do I count the blessings? When I pause in thankfulness does it affect my heart? I ponder this, not for the first time, and it challenges my heart. I set out on a journey intentional thankfulness about a year and a half ago. The path has risen and curved in unexpected ways. It has been a bigger struggle than I anticipated. I am constantly fighting to practice what I have come to believe is the key to abundant life – seeing God more clearly through the lens of a thankful heart. It wears on me. It convicts me. It refreshes me. It’s worth the struggle. Yet I realize it is never my strength that achieves a thankful life. May God remain faithful to form thankfulness in me. He is my only hope for a thankful life.
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21 ( NASB)